Myleene Klass has revealed she was left so traumatised by her four miscarriages she could not discuss them, admitting: “I lost a lot of me.”
The musician, radio DJ and TV host has made a very personal documentary in which she reveals the agony they caused her family and most markedly the effect they had on her.
The programme starts with her saying: “I couldn’t talk about it for a year, I couldn’t even say the word. It is one word, but it is grief, it is trauma, it is sadness, it is fear. There must be a reason people can’t say it.”
Miscarriage is the most common kind of pregnancy loss and it is estimated around 250,000 UK women a year have one.
For many they are a taboo subject, but Myleene, 43, believes they should be discussed openly as they are so common.
“I’ve got my group of friends and you know they’ve been through the same, we literally pass that miscarriage baton,” she said.
“It is harder for me to find friends who have not had miscarriages now.
“The change I’d like to see being made is already being made. The fact that we are having these conversations: I couldn’t even say the word ‘miscarriage’ before.
“I’ve got my partner talking to his two mates around the table about this. I’ve had friends’ husbands messaging me saying ‘I was so broken’.
“But it is important. There are people taking their lives because of this. It can put pressure on relationships. The PTSD that some women suffer is the equivalent of a soldier returning from war.”
Myleene has two daughters from a previous relationship and a son Apollo, two, with fiance Simon Motson. But before Apollo’s birth she had four miscarriages in several years.
Myleene is seen in tears as she reads back a diary from that time for the first time since the loss.
On her family, she says: “It looks all shiny on the outside but it was hell to get here. Having a baby didn’t erase the pain from what happened, or stop me thinking about the ones I lost.
“Yeah, I mean I have had my three children… and I am a mum to seven.”
Myleene also speaks to her partner Simon and daughters Ava, 14, and Hero, 10, on camera for the documentary.
She said: “I think it’s important because these conversations are going on in my house, and I wanted to show that you’re not reckless by bringing your children into this. The conversations I have with my children are very honest, not scary, because you talk about the pure biology.
“I keep it age relevant to both children, but trust them with that information.”
Myleene admitted she had second thoughts about making Miscarriage & Me as it would mean revisiting the most painful moments in her life.
She said: “It’s very, very exposing. It wasn’t an easy decision. But I made it because it wasn’t an easy decision. I think I needed to make it, in a way.
“This is a documentary that I would have wanted, that I would have needed at the time.
“I said ‘no’ about three times but me and my manager both had four miscarriages over the years and we sat down and said, ‘This is the film we need to watch; this is what needs to be said’.
“I don’t think people understand the intricacies of what a miscarriage actually entails. I wanted to look at the impact on women going through it.”
Myleene first spoke out about miscarriage on Instagram
in October last year, writing: “I am a mama to 7 babies, Ava, Hero, Apollo my rainbow baby and 4 little stars in the sky.”
*Myleene Klass: Miscarriage & Me is on the W channel on October 14 at 9pm.